How Far Do You Control Your Life?
Surely you know or have known people who spend the whole day complaining about everything that happens in their lives. They try to look all the time for someone responsible to blame for their pain, their ills or their problems, looking in the outside world for a solution that can only be found within themselves.
They are then at a dead end, caught in the web of their problems. Their only escape route is victimhood and complaint, which does not bring them if not more suffering and bitterness.
That false illusion, in which they think that because of this or that person or situation, they are wrong, makes them stay blocked without being able to find a way that makes them get out of the situation in which they are immersed and that is causing them suffering.
And you now ask yourself, but then the people who are unemployed? The ones that are not valued in their work? The ones who have problems with their partner? Are they to blame? I will tell you that more than guilty, they are responsible for continuing in those circumstances or continuing to suffer.
Do not be scared or alarmed by what you are reading, what I just said is very positive. Think about it. If we were not responsible for much of what happens in our own lives, we would not have the power to change anything. We would be like puppets that move depending on what happens in the external world.
Of course there are many people who live like this, like a puppet but because they still don’t know, or don’t want to know, that they are responsible for their own destiny, their own steps, that they can influence what happens to them and on how they feel. They perceive themselves as unfortunate because of “the fault of”, thinking that their life is already lost and that there is nothing that can be done.
If my boss treats me badly, he addresses me in an aggressive way and I believe everything he tells me to the point of affecting me, the only person responsible for me feeling bad emotionally is me, because I am the one who has given that importance to the words of my boss and I am also the one who has not stopped his feet. It is one thing for me to be my boss and quite another for me to ignore my right to be treated with respect. But if you don’t respect or value yourself, he won’t either.
You can change your situation. And you will say, yes of course, how easy! What if I get fired?
I answer you again: you are responsible for your destiny. If he fires you, maybe he does you a favor, a person who has hired you and who does not treat you as you deserve, is not worthy of you. And on the other hand, is it the only job in the world? Can’t you get another one?
The world is very big and the possibilities are endless. Another thing is that the solution does not like or scare you, but this fear will be another matter in which you will have to work. Again, you decide, stay with that unpleasant situation that causes you unhappiness or change it despite the fear of change.
Life is a gambling game and to win you have to play and bet. Do you play or don’t you play? I insist, you decide.
In psychology, this perception of control over our own life is called internal locus of control (locus: place). On the contrary, there are people with external locus of control. People with external locus of control (who think that their life is at the mercy of the outside world) are the ones who usually make the following statements: “I just have bad luck!” “If my husband had not left me lying for another, I would not be like that, it is his fault that I am a wretch all my life!” … No dear reader, luck does not exist.
People with internal locus of control tend to have adequate self-esteem, self-concept, and self-efficacy. They are confident in their abilities, are aware of their limitations and are more independent. They do not need things that are actually unnecessary, they shy away from complaining because they know that this is not going to help them solve anything.
Many times they are perceived as optimistic naive, even as ignorant who have many “birds” but the reality is that they are more intelligent, emotionally speaking, than those with external locus of control.
People with external locus of control sometimes feel offended and even scared when you try to convince them that they have the power to influence their “luck” or to modify what is modifiable. It is as if you took away the role of victim and gave him a weapon to face the world. It is easier and more comfortable to wait for the world “which is the one that has hurt us”, to save us from our pain, for others to change their way of acting, for crisis problems to be solved, than my boss stop being disrespectful, let my partner stop cheating on me … What if others don’t change?
Why are you complaining about something that with your simple complaints you will not change? Isn’t it better to direct all your energies to modify what does depend directly on you? It is like the dog that tries to bite its own tail. You can still be determined to blame others, but you will never achieve anything and you will become frustrated and depressed.
Being happy is a decision and you have the ability to change and banish what does not bring you that well-being. Be aware that you are freer than you think, that you can have an influence in your world if you set your mind to it.
