Querofobia, The Irrational Fear Of Being Happy

Although it may sound contradictory, the fear of happiness exists and is known as kerophobia. It is an irrational fear that possibly has a lot to do with anxiety and that prevents us from getting involved in activities that bring us happiness.

If we stop to think carefully about it, we will realize that we have observed this phenomenon on occasion, either in others or in ourselves.

The term could have its origin in the Greek χαρά -happiness, joy, rejoicing- and φοβία -fear, dread-, although it is complex to trace the origin of the word since the disorder it designates is not found in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM).

Who is afraid to be happy?

People who suffer from kerophobia often reject situations in which the feeling of joy is implicit. This does not imply that they want to be unhappy or sad; On the contrary, people with kerophobia reject happiness because it is accompanied by sadness, so that being sad is not what they are looking for.

Either because happiness is not permanent or because displaying happiness can show those around you that they are not happy by comparison, a kerophobe will frequently reject a social event in which they would feel happy or any situation that, in some way, awakens a feeling of well-being in him.

They also tend to withdraw and prevent any kind of positive change in their lives. In short, they tend to stay away from any possibility that invites you to feel good, happy and with a certain well-being. Hence some of his most common thoughts are:

• “If I am happy, something bad will happen to me later.”

• “Showing being happy is bad for me as well as for others.”
• “Trying to be happy wastes my time and effort.”

In addition, it is common for these types of people to become defensive and not be convinced in interactions with other individuals. They are usually insecure, since they do not control their emotions very well and insecure. Thus, this accumulation of negative emotions can lead to the rejection of fun and, therefore, happiness.

Examples of events a kerophobe would not attend

If you know someone with kerophobia, try to keep in mind that inviting them to certain social events can generate an argument or annoyance on their part. 

A clear example can be birthdays. In this type of celebration, the center of attention is another person, but positive emotions and fun are expected from the attendees , something that a person with kerophobia is not willing to show. In the same way, a family meal will also be a source of stress for him.

Business dinners, friends’ lunches or other types of social gatherings are also examples of situations rejected by a kerophobe . In short: any occasion that orbits around the meeting of people.

However, although our tendency is not to invite that person or not to attend an event that they are going to attend so as not to feel worried, uncomfortable or not experience embarrassment, the solution is far from going through either of these two positions named .

How to overcome kerophobia

Since it is not a clinically recognized disorder, there is no specific treatment for it. Despite this, it is advisable to go to a mental health specialist. A psychologist will be able to recommend exercises that benefit the kerophobe , propose solutions to their problems or offer possible treatments.

Now, it is important, in the first instance, to accept that there is a problem. This is often the most complicated step in a therapeutic process and, therefore, it is normal that the affected person may need external help before deciding.

1. Avoid isolation

Family and friends should be very vigilant in case a loved one begins to isolate themselves in a worrying way. This would be the first sign of alarm.

It is important to complement visits to the psychologist with a gradual adaptation to social life, urging the affected person to reintroduce themselves into circles and social situations previously avoided.

This does not mean that someone’s personality can be changed: it is necessary to take into account the preferences of the affected person on a social level  when configuring the therapeutic progression.

Throughout this process, the affected person must be accompanied. This will help you become more aware of the problem and benefit more from being more involved in your recovery.

2. Be patient

Changes as big as overcoming kerophobia don’t happen overnight. Both the kerophobe and the people who want to help him must be patient and accept that the process is slow.

Therefore, it is better not to set too high expectations, to avoid that who suffers from kerophobia reaches high levels of frustration.

3. Seek help

Sometimes people with a psychological disorder are the only ones in their environment who are not aware that they need support for their recovery process.

This can happen either by denial of the problem or by shame when it comes to externalizing it. They are unable to take the plunge and seek professional help.

In short, only a professional is capable of managing the situation and giving the patient the keys to gradually overcome their problem. If we ourselves are in the role of the patient, it is important to listen to those who recommend us to seek professional support.

If we are part of the circle in which the kerophobe is related , it is important to assume a role of protective agent. As we have said before, patience is essential, but also action: we cannot remain oblivious to the problem, since we would also be hurting the affected person.

Ultimately, this difficulty is something that we should think about if we observe that a person from our close circle begins to move away on the social plane. Like all psychological problems, it must be treated quickly and with professional help, without forgetting the people around the patient, who are vital elements for his recovery.