Getting Compliments, Why Does It Make Us Feel Uncomfortable?

We all like to receive compliments. But always and in any circumstance? You may have felt uncomfortable on occasion when you received a compliment. This is a more frequent experience than we might imagine.

But, let’s start at the beginning, what exactly is a compliment? Being rigorous, a compliment is a specific verbal behavior that highlights the positive characteristics of a person. The compliment works as a social reinforcer and helps make interactions between people more pleasant.

In other words, a compliment is something of a compliment. When we receive a compliment, the person who is giving it is highlighting some positive characteristic. Put like that, there would be no reason for us to feel uncomfortable when someone filled us with them. Although the reality is very different and many times these compliments make us feel uncomfortable, very uncomfortable even. But why?

Recreating our ears

As we said, a compliment is, in principle, something pleasant and positive. Complimenting means saying something nice to someone else. Specifically, it is about informing / pointing out some physical or behavioral characteristic that we like or that we value in a positive way.

We all like to hear nice things about ourselves, it makes us feel good. However, in our society the exchange of positive verbalizations is rare. We use little positive reinforcement, punishment being more common.

The “good”, “positive”, “what we like and like”, is considered to be “what should be” and, therefore, why make it known? This is why it is rare to hear or give compliments.

We can feel “cut”, “corny”, “dumb”, “ridiculous”, and so on. However, if we believe that reinforcement is better than punishment, we will be motivated to change and become more rewarding and positive people. On the other hand, when someone compliments us, we can feel surprise, strangeness and, in extreme cases, we may even laugh at the person who compliments us. That is why it is important to know how to receive compliments and not just know how to do them.

What are the advantages of knowing how to receive compliments?

Getting compliments is easy, even though many people find it difficult to receive them. In fact, there are many advantages that knowing how to receive them provides. Let’s see them.

• I know what the other person likes about me.
• It helps to establish friendly relations.
• It reduces the tension that can be generated if I am left speechless out of embarrassment or anxiety or react defensively.

• It makes me feel good. We all like to be recognized for our qualities, merits and abilities.
• It indicates that I have heard and accepted what the other person has told me.
• I reinforce that person for giving me a compliment and increase the likelihood that they will give me more compliments in the future.

As we can see, these are some of the advantages of knowing how to receive compliments. There are many more, but these are enough to give you an idea of ​​their importance.

Negative thoughts that block receiving compliments

If we already know the advantages of knowing how to receive compliments, why can it block us / make us uncomfortable that someone does them to us? It may be that behind the discomfort to receive compliments there is the following belief: “Do not trust if they praise you, they will want something.” This belief leads us to interpret praise as a threat or a danger. Therefore, we will react with distrust, fear, anxiety or anguish. However, in many cases there is no such danger, it is only a verbal conditioning.

Sometimes these compliments have been used to manipulate or create a facilitating / motivating climate that allows the other person to achieve their goal. This could cause a phrase that could have generated positive emotions in the beginning, to be valued as negative and generate negative emotional responses if it is interpreted as manipulation.

Another belief that can block us when it comes to receiving compliments is the following: “be simple and modest, people who stand out in the background are envied. ” This message also torpedoes us to say nice things about ourselves.

Another of the beliefs associated with the discomfort of receiving compliments is the following: “it will be waiting for you to return it. ” That thought is often irrational, because we know what the other person is thinking. It is better to think that a compliment is given spontaneously and to expect correspondence.

One last thought or belief associated with the discomfort of receiving compliments is the following: “It’s a sarcastic compliment, he says it to annoy me. ” In this case, this belief can be changed to: “maybe yes or maybe no. I accept the compliment and, if it is sincere, I am grateful. If it is not, by accepting it I am partially frustrating their intentions. “

We can change these irrational beliefs associated with the discomfort of receiving compliments. In this way, we will be closer to learning to receive them without discomfort. Our relations will be more sincere and satisfactory.