The Art Of Good Love Enhances Your Self-esteem, It Does Not Destroy It

The art of good love does not seek to please the ego. It is a psychic tendon that confers encouragement, sustenance, and respect. Wise willing is not blind either. Because the two people look at each other in a mature and conscious way, wanting the other to fly high, without plucking wings, without damaging self-esteem.

They say that love is an art, that loving hides mysteries and facets where the courteous, the erotic, the divine and the profane are threaded. We could undoubtedly let ourselves be carried away by all that cultural legacy that surrounds us, sometimes giving us an unrealistic image on the subject. Because  love is by no means an art based on contemplation, but on creation, on the effort and commitment of the brave.

Let poets, cinema and literature build their own image of love. Because in this vast ocean nobody is a captain, because in this inhospitable emotional continent we are all simple explorers.  For example, we know that loving sometimes hurts, and while pain should be off-limits in this realm, we experience it over and over again.

Far from living love in happiness, we often let the sheets of our dignity go one by one, we even allow our self-esteem to be frayed, like an old cloak, dull and fragile from use. Or abuse. It is necessary that we approach this dimension from a wiser, more integral position.

We explain how.

The insatiable seekers and the hungry for love

There are those who have the need and desire to eat apples. Plant a tree and soon, offer its fruit. The delight is endless, and for several weeks enjoy the taste of that fruit. For a time he is even pleased to be eating without having to work. However, when the next season arrives, the beautiful apple tree surprisingly no longer blooms, no longer bears fruit. It has started to wither.

The same thing happens in affective relationships. There are insatiable seekers of love that they find and enjoy. However, they forget to nurture the roots of that exceptional, yet delicate bond. They are self-esteem violators, expatriates of loyalty and courageous commitment. They are emotional wanderers looking for expiration date relationships.

For their part, there are hungry people who only seek sustenance to quench the emptiness of their loneliness. They understand love as synonymous with comfort. They seek, above all, seamstresses capable of threading the broken seams of their hearts with the thread of love. It is not the right thing to do. Because the art of good love does not enjoy ruthlessly destroying the self-esteem of the loved one.

As Erich Fromm said, if love were just a feeling or an emotion, the promise to love each other forever would be meaningless. Because feelings come and go. Wanting is above all an act of dignity towards ourselves and towards our partner.

Far from approaching love “as a search” to appease needs, fears and loneliness, we must see it as an encounter. After that unintended discovery comes the commitment, the courage, the authentic promise.

The love that encourages self-esteem

We have been told many times that the happy, mature and conscious couple is the one who manages to “be one, being two at the same time”. It is undoubtedly an ideal that we all want to achieve, but … how do you achieve it? In love there are no magic formulas, but there is wise advice that serves us all equally: before being two people united in the same project, we have to be able to be ourselves in it.

We must love each other without fear or concessions. Delight in our individuality, but without ever falling into the depths of the ego. Only then will we be able to safeguard our self-esteem and, in turn, enhance that of the loved one.

Next, we suggest you reflect on some basic strategies that will help us achieve this.

Keys to developing and respecting self-esteem in the couple

Healthy love always begins at home. Imagine for a moment what it must be like to love someone who hates himself. Also imagine what it means to be with a person who only wants to please you 24 hours a day. A person who when you need to breathe, offers you air. That when you hurt yourself he wants to bleed for you.

• The delicate layers of a relationship hide the roots of our authentic being. All our shortcomings, voids and insecurities are permeated in this entity, to the point of being amplified even more.

• We must be able to combine self-love with mutual love. One thing does not exclude the other, because being a couple is having a heart and a breath. When one side of the heart runs out of strength, the breath of the other half fills it. It gives you energy, courage, and more love. In turn, that half knows itself worthy of receiving it because it loves itself.

The love that is born and created every day in the couple does not mean losing individuality. Nor does it imply having to renounce oneself to honor the other. Wanting is reaffirming yourself together with the other person, allowing us to be different, at the same time as one in the same project.