Self-esteem And Narcissism, The Fine Line That Separates Them
Self- esteem is, today, something that worries us a lot. It is a recurring theme when talking about education, improvement, depression, etc. However, in some cases, self-esteem – or excess of it – can show – or be – a form of narcissism.
In the year 1890, William James identified self-esteem as a fundamental human need, as essential to survival as anger and fear. However, we are often unable to see the difference between self-esteem and vanity, or we are unable to understand how our actions and reactions can serve to reinforce one against the other.
Dr. Sheldon Solomon, professor of social psychology, known for the development of the Terror Management Theory, sees self-esteem as a controversial issue, as some claim that it is of vital importance for psychological and interpersonal well-being, while others insist where self-esteem is not important or is associated with increased violence and social insensitivity. On this, Dr. Solomon says that high self-esteem is problematic and associated with increased aggression are either voluntarily or involuntarily, so that self-esteem could be equated with narcissism.
As we see the distinction between self-esteem and narcissism is of great importance on a personal and social level. Self-esteem differs from narcissism in that it represents an attitude based on the achievements that we have mastered, values that we defend, and the care that we have shown towards others. Narcissism, on the other hand, is often based on a fear of failure or weakness, a self-centered approach, an unhealthy intention to be seen as the best, a deep insecurity, and the underlying feeling of inadequacy.
In this regard, psychologist Robert Firestone says that vanity is a fantasized image of the self that is formed when parents use empty praise or false recognition and use it as a substitute for true love and the recognition that children have failed in something or they are otherwise than they “should or would like to be.” With this, parents let their children feel invisible and highly pressured for being someone they are not. On the other hand, parents who are in tune with their children and respond to them and value them in a real way make them feel valued. These children grow up with an accurate sense of who they are and with healthy self-esteem.
Some studies have shown that children who receive praise for skills they do not master or talents they do not possess feel as though they have received no praise at all, and far more empty and less confident than before. Only children praised for their real achievements are able to build self-esteem, according to this study, which found that other children develop narcissism. In itself, the accumulation of earned or deserved praise can lead to an increase in insecurity and anxiety, which promote narcissism more than self-confidence.
In this sense, narcissism fosters envy and hostile rivalries where self-esteem supports compassion and cooperation; narcissism favors domination where self-esteem recognizes equality; Narcissism implies arrogance where self-esteem reflects humility , narcissism is offended by criticism where self-esteem is reinforced by feedback.
Narcissism makes it necessary to bring down others to be above them. Self-esteem leads to perceiving each human being as a person of value in a world of meaning.
In all of this, society plays a role when it comes to promoting self-esteem or narcissism. In this regard, Dr. Solomon explains that “self-esteem is, ultimately, a cultural construction, because the standards of value by which people judge themselves are derived from adherence to social norms. ” These norms can help people feel good about themselves or they can promote unrealistic expectations that can only destroy self-esteem. And it is that in modern society it promotes stereotypes of successful men and women that children learn from a very young age, stereotypes that respond to unrealistic “values” or “states” for average people.
When Dr. Solomon and his colleagues, Jeff Greenberg and Tom Pyszczynski, developed the horror management theory, one of the questions they asked was what was the importance of self-esteem. His research revealed important answers to this question, along the lines of what William James noted: “Self-esteem is a fundamental human need, essential for survival.” Their results showed that self-esteem is a powerful and potentially productive shield against existential anguish inherent to our human condition; it is the feeling that each of us is a valuable member of a significant universe.
In this sense, Dr. Solomon and his colleagues have argued that existential awareness and attempts to avoid death anxiety have contributed significantly to many of the world’s wars and political conflicts. On the contrary, Dr. Solomon argues that when the awareness of death is not denied, but rather recognized, it can be used to promote peace and compassion. The idea that we are all in the same boat, even if it is a sinking ship, promotes a sense of equality and brotherhood. In this way, the recognition that our physical selves share the same fate as others and that we all have the same fears, can help us to be more understanding of the limitations of others.
Feeling good about yourself and accepting yourself for who you are allows us to move through life with a sense of purpose, meaning, and value. In order to gain a sense of self, we must perceive ourselves as valuable members of a society that wants to say something. Compassion, support, and empathy are the key to achieving that value.
When we recognize that our time on earth is fleeting, we accept a painful reality that gives each action more weight and more value, and gives us a great opportunity to take advantage of the time we have and the people with whom we share it. Therefore, the construction of self-esteem is a construction beyond ourselves, a sense of community, camaraderie and equality among other human beings.
