5 Keys To Curb Toxic Relationships In The Family
Make no mistake, the family is one of the most common scenarios in which toxic relationships occur. Perhaps it is harder than in other contexts because no, they cannot be circumvented. It is much easier to put an end to the relationship with your partner or your friend than to do it with your mother-in-law, your brother, your children, your parents … However, toxic relationships in the family are quite common.
The truth is that the family is imposed on us and we cannot choose it, which requires that we adapt to it. This implies that we must accept the fact that, although we are independent and plural people , there are certain norms to which we are subject due to our role within the family nucleus.
In any case, there are two types of families: rigid and flexible. They are the first in which toxicity abounds, the result of the intense and irrational use of power. The fact that someone abuses their power implies great difficulty when it comes to relating, it does not allow us to freely express our feelings and opinions, talk or show ourselves as we are. These are the emotional vampires.
Most of us have suffered the imposition, envy or impudence of someone who, in principle, should not deliberately harm us. It is obvious that the most likely thing is that we cannot break that relationship, since a family bond does not unravel so lightly, but the truth is that there are times when relationships flare up and there is no other choice but to break pears.
According to Laura Rojas Marcos, most conflicts are caused by power struggles, the feeling of rights and the lack of limits. So, before a brother, a mother-in-law, a cousin …, who blames us for something or hurts us with their actions … How can we act in the face of toxic relationships in the family?
1. Putting ourselves in the place of the other: empathy
To stop toxic relationships in the family, empathy is very important. This does not mean that we submit to their wishes and have to give in when we don’t want to, but it does mean maintaining a willingness to listen and consider what they have to say to us.
It is important that we prepare ourselves to accept the possibility of not agreeing on what we ask of each other. In this case, there must be a pact of respect for the disagreement to facilitate coexistence. This is: you want something that is not compatible with what I want, let’s accept it and continue.
2. Respecting the intimacy, space and time of each relationship
In this sense, we must accept that “no” is the answer and manage to tolerate frustration. It is often said that where there is trust is disgusting but this is something that we cannot allow, overconfidence and meddling gives rise to the largest known family conflicts.
As Rojas Marcos points out:
3. Being respectful and maintaining forms
When it comes to taking care of any relationship, it is very important that we do not say the first thing that comes to mind and that we pass the filter of education and respect. It is likely that a large part of us have a close family member who thinks they can say everything that comes to mind and that their perceptions and opinions are above anyone else.
This can create many conflicts so it is important that we distance ourselves in situations and calmly set limits, responding that what he says is causing emotional pain. It is important that we do not let ourselves eat ground before this question.
4. Being assertive and using the magic words
It is likely that you do not want power, that you only want freedom of action and expression, for which that person is a great obstacle. It is as simple as expressing a “I can not”, a “I do not want”, an “I do not agree”. It is important to feel confident about yourself and make use of your choice.
In addition, the words that close the fewest doors are “please” and “thank you.” Although we are with the family, its use is still of great importance. We express consideration and kindness, as we show respect for time and effort when faced with a request or a favor.
5. Being patient
Being impatient makes us more impulsive and therefore unthinking in our decisions. The ability to wait and think before acting is one of the most important principles that should guide our relationships, especially family relationships.
It may happen that we cannot solve the difficulties that accompany an exhausting toxic family relationship, so that sometimes it is inevitable to make a decision and assume consequences that can be truly disastrous for the family nucleus.
Vampires and emotional predators exist in all families and in all contexts, the important thing is that we know how to identify them and protect ourselves against them, as well as not allow ourselves to be guided by the intensity of fleeting emotions such as anger.
Above all, you have to keep your sanity and value the situation a lot, taking into account that we have a mental and physical limit that should not be exceeded. Toxic relationships in the family today will no longer be an ordeal because we will know how to deal with them wisely.
