4 Tips To Overcome The Fear Of Commitment

Fear of commitment is a well-known expression that we hear regularly and that we use to describe ourselves or others who seem unable to decide about the future of a relationship.

Many people feel that they are afraid of commitment because they fear feeling trapped and losing their freedom.  The fear of commitment could range from a little uncertainty about your relationship to outright terror of what is commonly called “settling down.”

What is behind the fear of commitment?

The center of all fear is the fear that something might be lost.  But every decision we make in life, by definition, means the loss of other options. No matter what you do, there is always another kind of life that you could have lived if you had made a different choice. In this sense, the fear of commitment is the fear of making a wrong decision.

But there is something else . People who are afraid to commit to a relationship often have a hard time committing to other decisions as well.   The irony is that fear of commitment can mask a desperate desire for intimacy and security that comes from a healthy long-term relationship.

It may be that, deep down, the person fears being rejected  or feels that the consequences of a future breakup will be worse the more time and dedication he dedicates to the other person.

Strategies to lose the fear of commitment

What can you do about it if you are afraid of commitment? Instead of rejecting any proposal, first think about it. The following strategies will help you make a decision and lose your fear.

1 – Name your fear

Ask yourself why you are scared, what are you scared of. Don’t use the term “fear of commitment” generically. Think about what it really means to commit and focus on what it is that you fear.

Think about what you really have to give up and what you are going to take in return, what you want for yourself in the future. And don’t forget that a healthy relationship should help meet your needs for freedom and independence as part of the relationship itself.

It is also convenient to differentiate between fear of commitment and the personal choice to reject it. Many people, by their own choice, prefer to be alone without hiding any fear. However, others are terrified of the supposed lack of freedom that a compromise can entail. However, if the crux of the matter is fear of committing ourselves to someone, it is time to analyze what is hidden behind that fear.

2- Don’t cling to indecision as a habit

Over time, indecision becomes a habit. When in doubt, the easy thing is not to have to decide and move on, letting yourself be carried away. But this does not make things easier for you.

Learn to make decisions about things, to think about what you are going to do, and not just get carried away. When we let ourselves be carried away by circumstances, the only thing that happens is that we end up walking aimlessly. If no one is steering a sailboat in the middle of a strong wind, it can end anywhere. However, if the captain takes the helm and steers the course, we will have a set path ahead to travel.

In this way, if instead of clinging to indecision and “whatever it has to be”, we take control of our life, we will have much more control over it. Think about your options, in general, to get into the habit of deciding and experiencing the consequences.

3 – Think about your life without fear of commitment

Imagine for a moment your life without fear of commitment. Think about what your life would be like in the medium and long term, what you can achieve, and the many benefits of a healthy relationship focused on that commitment.

Imagine and describe what your life would be like without fear, just let your imagination work and show you the options, whether you commit or not.

4 – Now is all you have

The fear of commitment is usually the fear of losing other options, so you can feel trapped. But the funny thing is that now is everything you have, and everything you will always have. Yes, you have to decide about the future, but you will only live your present, your reality of now. Actually, whatever decision you make, you don’t know what will happen in the future. Therefore, do not be afraid to decide what to do, because nothing is forever.

Image courtesy of Amanda Cass.