Accept My Flaws – How Can I Get It?

How can I accept my flaws? If someone asked us what we really don’t like about ourselves, many would not know how to specify an answer. I have so many! They would say. Others, on the other hand, with arrogance and an overdose of pride, would affirm that they have none, that they accept and love each other as they are.

Now, the latter would lie because a large part of us have “something” that makes us uncomfortable, something that we hide and conceal, sometimes under our clothes and other times, trying to camouflage shyness, insecurity, fear of not liking or any of them. those psychological characteristics that we have not yet been able to strengthen.

However, what is most striking about these realities is that we often label as a “defect” a personal trait that, by itself, should not be considered an alteration, error, abnormality or nuance that we self-reject. Simply put: that prominent nose is not a defect; it is a normal trait. Those extra pounds, that freckled face, that short stature or an incipient baldness should never be considered as defects.

What lies behind these negative self-evaluations is a problem of insecurity and self-acceptance. In contrast, the real flaws are rarely seen. Irresponsibility, laziness, selfishness or pride are aspects that need a trained sensitivity to proceed to change them, to improve them. Let’s dive a little deeper into this topic.

Accept my defects: keys to achieve it

We all have multiple flaws and, in turn, a good number of virtues. Our greatness as human beings very often happens by combining all those contrasting nuances that make us imperfect and, at the same time, unique. It may be that our defect is having a bad temper, but over time one ends up handling it, being aware of that stronger / little patient character.

It is also possible that another of our defects is talking excessively from the elbows ; to be one of those people who in a conversation barely leaves space and voice for the interlocutor. Once again, the simple fact of recognizing it and assuming it also allows us to manage that singular nuance that defines one and that sometimes brings about some other problem.

Accepting my defects first goes through a fundamental aspect: knowing if what we do not like about ourselves is or is not a defect. We analyze it.

The habit of pathologizing normal qualities and traits

There is a very our custom and it is to pathologize aspects that, in reality, make up our personality or body scheme. Thus, events as common as being perhaps a little more shy than normal, something more insecure, fearful, manic or even impatient, do not in themselves constitute a defect as such. They are simply traits that outline our character.

The same happens with those nuances that define our physical appearance. Neither weight, nor height, nor skin changes, let alone handicaps constitute a “defect.” Therefore, if we are clear about this detail, the next question should be, what is considered a defect then?

These areas describe negative attitudes that can be harmful to both ourselves and others. Examples of this are envy, jealousy, pride, pessimism, intolerance, narcissism, etc. As we can see, these dimensions trace behaviors and attitudes in which a balance between strengths and weaknesses is rarely achieved. The latter always tend to destabilize any situation, conversation, relationship or circumstance.

Self-acceptance, the secret to strengthening my insecurities

To accept my shortcomings, those that are not really, but stand as the clear result of my insecurity, the most important thing is to work on self-acceptance. Thus, if I consider that my overweight is a defect, that being embarrassing is also, as well as my tendency to stutter or hide my big ears under my hair, my most immediate obligation is to strengthen this area of ​​personal growth.

Likewise, self-acceptance is more powerful than self-esteem. The reason? The latter depends not only on the positive vision I have of myself. What others tell me or what I think they think of me also feeds this psychological muscle . On the other hand, self-acceptance does not need external reinforcement.

Moreover, Albert Ellis, creator of rational emotional behavioral therapy, established this dimension as the pillar of his approach, defining it as follows: self-acceptance is learning to love ourselves fully and unconditionally by accepting everything we are. It is to validate every aspect of our being and also of our behavior. It is knowing how to grant us consideration, respect and your love.

If we learn to strengthen this area of ​​our being, all those dimensions that we consider defects will be diluted.

How to accept my defects if they are traits that affect me and other people?

Aggressive communication, impatience, jealousy, inability to understand other people’s points of view… To accept my most adverse defects, those that put walls to my relationships and coexistence with others, the most important thing is to know how to detect these dimensions.

On average, there are few who combine that humility of character capable of seeing and assuming those clearly negative qualities that make up real defects. Once identified, the process does not pass precisely by “accepting” them, by giving them space and permanence; the key is to “transform” them.

In many cases, this transformation exercise requires knowing what is behind each one of them. Thus, after envy or jealousy, there is usually low self-esteem. Behind aggressive communication is emotional mismanagement and lack of social skills. Therefore, the best remedy to model defects and become virtues forces us in most cases to go to psychological therapy. Doing so can change our lives. Let’s keep it in mind.