Affective Presence: How To Make Others Feel Comfortable With Me

Connecting, creating impact, attracting, being liked, being accessible… Making others feel comfortable with me goes beyond a simple wish: it is a necessity. This type of social skill is one of the most enriching, it is finding those ingredients of the authentic emotional glue so that whoever is close to me feels good, free to be himself, comfortable to express himself and communicate.

Achieving this is not always easy. The most striking thing is that there are many who are not aware that their attitudes, words and forms generate discomfort and distrust. Therefore, when we work on our skills in sociability, we cannot neglect to be able to create a nurturing atmosphere in every way.

This set of strategies often passes through the same filter, the same dimension: affective presence. It is about, neither more nor less, than to become a skilled figure in matters of emotional intelligence.

Let’s see how to achieve it.

I develop my affective presence to make others feel comfortable with me

When I want to make others feel comfortable with me, it is not just out of a mere desire to like me. What we seek is to create that ideal substrate to establish lasting relationships, reach agreements and create bonds that enrich us. Something like this goes beyond the realm of friendship or the search for a partner. The family setting and, above all, the workplace, also need this competence.

To educate a child, for example, it is necessary to know how to handle emotions, good communication (both verbal and non-verbal) and build, in essence, an enriching environment that helps the child to grow. We insist once again that achieving it is not as easy as we think. Sometimes factors like low self-esteem make that relational magic impossible.

At the end of the day, there is a maxim that is always fulfilled: ” if I am not good with myself, others will not be with me “. A strong and luminous social connection starts with a good self-concept and good emotional intelligence skills.

Shaping this personality profile requires us to work on a very specific concept: affective presence. Thanks to this dimension, we will not only ensure that others are comfortable with us. The most important thing is that we will also feel good about ourselves.

Affective presence: wherever you go, trust yourself

The social psychologist Albert Bandura coined an interesting concept: self-efficacy. It defines that belief that each one is capable of organizing and executing the necessary mechanisms to achieve something. In this case, it means trusting that we are capable of positively connecting with those in front of us to create an enriching impact on them.

To achieve this, we must first work on self-esteem, identity and that authentic affection with oneself to understand that we deserve what we want and that we have rights to be happy. That internal light of well-being and temperance can also reach others, go from the inside to the outside.

Take care of what you say and how you say it (non-verbal communication is decisive)

The affective presence is close, authentic and is skilled in communication skills. Now, it is essential to take care of the following dimensions, those that configure non-verbal communication:

• Make eye contact
• Smile with your mouth and your eyes.
• It is also important to create a warm connection, the one in which you are pleasant and sincere in your communication, but it also makes it easier for others to feel comfortable.
• How? Nodding when the other speaks, paying attention, showing that what he says is important.

Soft emotions

If I wonder how to make others feel comfortable with me, there is an emotional state that I must attend to: emotional softness. What does this mean?

• It implies that I should not fall for the histrionics, make jokes or criticize third parties who are not there to attract attention.
• The key is to stay in that behavioral and emotional center in which to demonstrate balance, calm, temperance and accessibility. Emotional extremes are never good.

Sharpen your emotional detector and react fast

The affective presence has a sensor: it is capable of detecting how the person who is with me feels.

If I detect anxiety I try to generate closeness to reduce their nervousness. If what I perceive is mistrust, sadness or fear, I will act quickly to change that state of mind through a warm smile, a conversation in which you feel interested and always taking care that my attitude is authentic, humble, attentive …

How to make others feel comfortable with me?

When we are younger we have an eternal obsession: to make others feel comfortable with us.  We want to please, to be successful, to have the more friends the better … Now, when an age comes, that priority changes.

Therefore, we want to say something very simple: we are not always going to be liked by everyone. And for this to happen, it is normal, acceptable and even necessary. What’s more, we don’t feel comfortable with all kinds of people either. There are those who, almost without knowing why, generate distrust and discomfort in us.

Therefore, the art of social relations is a type of complex craft in which sometimes there is harmony and sometimes not. Working on the affective presence and attending to the emotions will always be the best formula in this matter.