Although The Wind Changes, My Sailboat Takes Me To You

Although the wind changes, my sailboat takes me to you, always to you. I do not know how to navigate in other seas, I do not know any other way to carry my sailboat that is not downwind. But you are the wind and you make the sea the blanket of tears that you produce because you say that being by my side is overwhelming you.

You say you love me but you need to breathe and not be so attached to me. You say that love doesn’t have to show itself by being with me everywhere. And these comments hurt and hurt me as if you were leaving me without completely leaving me. For me love is doing everything and everything for you and for you.

This emotional dependency that keeps me coming back to you despite the damage is something that I know can be changed. But it is difficult to accept that my way of loving is not adequate. It is also difficult to accept that love is not shown by being aware of one person all the time, but is shown by the trust you have in the other when they are not by your side.

The wind turned into a storm

Not everything was bad when we started. At first it was like the gentle breeze that appears on spring afternoons. The one that when he caresses your skin makes your hair stand on end and makes you feel very comfortable in his presence. Soft, warm and comfortable, that’s what it was like to be in your presence.

Soon I tied myself to you as if my survival depended on it. You were my world and I stopped doing other things to always be by your side. I did not take a step without first thinking about what you would say to me and you handled me as if it were your wrist. You were at the helm of the ship and I just thought that if I did everything you said, that if I did everything for you, no pirate would board our ship.

But one fine day everything changed and you began to ask me for space, to tell me that I was drowning you. You had not asked me to depend on you in this way, but it was the only way to love that I knew. And I was blurred in the reproaches I did to you because you did not understand everything that I loved you, everything that I did for you.

But the wind turned into a storm and stirred the sea. Jealousy and reproaches began. The fights and the fears. I didn’t want to lose you, even though I knew my way of loving you was consuming me inside. So I asked for help and I understood that it was emotional dependence and how I could prevent it from happening again. I learned that loving is being free and trusting in the other, and I was able to be included in one of us again.

How to get out of emotional dependency

No one should depend on anyone to be happy. This is so both in relationships and outside of them because emotional dependence does not only occur with the partner, it can also occur with family or friends. Therefore, working on the following points can help you establish healthy relationships:

• Do not systematically put the other’s wishes before  your own : your own well-being is important. Before loving others you have to love yourself to be able to do it healthily.
• No one can make everyone  happy : making others happy is not your obligation. You can’t expect everyone to like everything you do, just like you shouldn’t stop doing things because others don’t like them.
• If you need someone else to enjoy and be happy, rethink the bond you have established: happiness and joy must always come from yourself and if you want to be shared with others.
• Learn to be alone: enjoying your own company without depending on others is a very healthy act of self-love. Being the wind of your sailboat will allow you to better enjoy the little things that you do not value now.
• Redefine what love means to you: love is not possession. Not by spending more time with someone and doing what that person likes do you show them more love. To love is to be you and to share your things with the other.

These steps can help prevent the wind from turning into a storm in your relationships. Because to love you first have to love yourself and if you don’t know how to do it, psychology can help you. Ask for help if you need it so that your bonds are as healthy as possible.