Emotional Blackmail And Manipulation

Emotional blackmail is a form of control that resorts to guilt, obligation, or fear. The objective is to get another person to act according to interests that are in favor of the blackmailer.

It is a way of manipulating the will of others that is based on provoking negative feelings from which the blackmailed person does not seem to be able to get out, unless he does what the “blackmailer” wants.

We have all been involved in a similar situation at times, either as victims or as executioners. But why do we manipulate or allow ourselves to be manipulated?

The silent emotional blackmail

Emotional blackmail is infiltrated in our relationships, so it is sometimes difficult to determine when we are blackmailed or when we act as blackmailers. It is usually done unconsciously and this makes tampering more difficult to detect.

Phrases such as “you will know what you do”, “there you with your decision” or “if you wanted me you would not do that” are an example of manipulation. Sometimes messages that a priori seem harmless can carry a load of intentionality, they  seek to scare the other person if they do not comply with the wishes of the blackmailer.

We generally associate manipulation with Machiavellian, twisted, and selfish people. But in practice, we all resort to some kind of emotional blackmail at some point. One exercises the role of manipulator as long as one tries to control what another person says or does, it is demanded and no alternative of choice is given or the self-esteem of others is dynamited.

How is an emotional manipulator?

We have already noted that it can be difficult to identify emotional blackmail. However, people who have a tendency to manipulate share a number of characteristic traits.

First of all, they are people capable of detecting the weaknesses of the other. And not only do they identify them, but they have no qualms about taking advantage of it to use them against them. In addition, they are usually very controlling people.

The manipulator is also tenacious. He does not stop until he gets what he is looking for any medium. There are some who use a certain aggressiveness, others discredit or victimization and many are capable of reinterpreting any word or gesture of the other person for their own benefit.

Defend yourself from the blackmailer

Of course, not all degrees of blackmail are the same, nor do they serve the same objectives. Some are innocent and almost harmless. However, others are so devious that they can end up psychologically dynamiting the other person. Manipulation taken to the extreme can leave a very damaging emotional wound for the person who suffers it.

The emotional blackmailer plays the role of victim, probably full of insecurities and fears. Instead of taking charge of their limitations, they burden the other with those weaknesses, causing negative feelings. The blackmailed person accepts, mainly, out of fear of consequences, anger or that the blackmailer will carry out his threats.

Defending yourself from a blackmailer depends on yourself. When you think you are being manipulated, it is best to be passive. Do not refuse, but do not simply accept their requests. Leave it in “stand by”.

This truce of time will serve to observe the emotions in oneself. Feelings such as guilt, restlessness, or frustration are often associated with manipulative practices. No one can direct the actions of another. Therefore, do not allow anyone to subject your will to emotional blackmail.