How To Act If An Emotional Wound That You Thought Healed Reopens

Emotional wounds are the damages that we experience throughout our lives and that condition our way of interpreting the world and dealing with it. Practically all of us have an emotional wound, but identifying them and accepting their presence is not easy. If you are one of those who have dared to face these damages and address them, you may have been disappointed to see how what you thought was healed in reality is not.

Forgiving the harm done to us by our parents, friends, partners, or schoolmates is complicated. Integrating those painful memories and learning from them to grow is hard work.

However, the sense of accomplishment and freedom that comes after getting the job done makes the effort definitely worth it. But what happens if, suddenly, that wound hurts again? If we find ourselves again feeling anger, fear or sadness in situations that we thought were overcome? What to do if we find ourselves falling back into old patterns?

How to act if an emotional wound reopens?

Accept it as part of the process

It is frequent that when we feel relapse into something that we thought we had overcome, we panic. We can come to think that all the work done has been useless, that we have been lying to ourselves …, thinking that we had advanced and that we will never succeed. Nothing is further from reality; healing is a process and it is not usually linear: there are advances, pauses and setbacks and they are all part of the way. 

Perhaps you hoped that, once your grief was worked out, you would never feel pain thinking about that person again. Perhaps you thought that, after facing your fear, those situations would stop frightening you. Or maybe you believed that by learning new ways of thinking and reacting, you would never go back to the old ones. However, it is fine if it happens, it is normal and does not mean that you have returned to the beginning. 

Congratulate yourself for having identified it

One of the greatest proofs that all your personal work has not been in vain is that you have been able to re-identify those emotions or patterns of behavior. Acknowledging what is happening will help you redirect your course. 

Use your resources

It is important to keep in mind that a fall is not a relapse; on the contrary, it is an opportunity to detect where we are failing and use the resources that we have previously learned. For example, if when you healed the grief you understood that zero contact was beneficial to you, you may discover that you feel pain again because you have begun to review the networks of who your partner was. Or, perhaps, if when you overcome a phobia you found that facing the feared situations alleviated the fear, you may be relapsing because you have avoided them again.

On the other hand, review your internal dialogue, the thoughts that you normally maintain, as it is possible that these have changed and are influencing the reopening of the emotional wound. Have you often returned to recall past events, to think how unfair or cruel what happened to you was? How do you talk to yourself? Are you empowered or discouraged by your inner conversation? The thoughts are at the base of the emotional states, check how the first ones have changed and you will find where to continue.

Be patient

Lastly, be patient with yourself. Feeling like you’re going backwards can be exasperating, but it’s important not to judge yourself, blame yourself, or try to speed up the process. Not every day we have the same energy or mood.

It is possible that one day you will raise your voice again in an argument, even if you have proposed to be more assertive; It is normal that, although you have improved your ability to set limits, at some point you fall into complacency again. Go step by step, you are doing well.

What if the emotional wound is still open?

Despite the above, it is possible that if fears, pains or patterns that you thought healed reappear, it is because they have not really been worked on in depth. Perhaps there is something missing to discover, understand or address, and in this case it can be very positive to seek professional help. Even if you already received it, if you feel that something is missing to finish, do not hesitate to go back to the process.