Letter To Shyness

Dear and appreciated shyness, we have walked hand in hand and lived various adventures. After each trip down the path of guilt, anguish, shame, pain, anxiety and stress, I want you to know how I feel and think about you.

We have been together for several years, and it is not that I want to separate myself completely from you or that the moments lived have not been unmatched, but I must take charge of this matter.

After reflecting, I realized that every time I walk with you I can learn something. For this reason, I am writing you this letter, communicating each of the conclusions that I have reached.

Shyness, you are part of me

Many times I came to see you as an alien force that took hold of me just in the moments when I needed more tranquility. Later, step by step, I understood that you were not so strange.

I thought you appeared to take over my voice, my head, my whole body. But today I know you don’t come just because. I understood, that you are part of me and, therefore, you are not omnipotent, I am the one who gives you the power.

That is why, dear shyness, I wanted to talk to you today. So you know that I finally understood, that we are one and that we can make peace to walk in different directions, there is something beyond anguish and shame. We can experience new things!

So, as you are part of me, I have a task: I am going to know myself to identify what it is that causes me so much fear ; so I can manage ourselves better. Can you imagine making more assertive decisions, being creative and not getting bogged down in feelings of shame and guilt?

In addition, I will be more resilient, to be able to overcome adversity. Thus, we will have more harmony. But I warn you dear shyness, it will not be easy, we must go step by step.

I know you have a good face, shyness

Do not think that everything is wrong between us shyness. On the contrary, it is better than ever, because by thinking about you I could realize how much I have needed and how much value you have.

What led me to hate you was concentrating a lot on the past or anticipating events, and not taking advantage of the present moment. I assure you shyly that, living in the here and now, we could feel more liberated.

It also didn’t help me to be so pessimistic. Focusing on the negative only put me in a similar valence state of mind, while reducing the size of the exit doors. Although now, I also value it, because sailing in the darkest waters I was able to obtain this learning.

Shyness, I know you have a good face. Thanks to you I have developed many skills, for example, I am a great observer and analyst. Seeing everything in silence has helped me get to know others, in fact, I know quite a bit about their non-verbal language. Also, shyness, by the hand of prudence you have helped me to survive.

Also, I can tell you, shyness, that thanks to you I review different ideas, which exercises my memory and reflection. I know that it is not always positive, especially when my thoughts become ruminant, but doing it once in a while and being aware of it helps me reflect … while stimulating my executive functions.

Also, I would like to ask you a question. Did you know that anyone can feel, think, and behave like us at some point in their life? What happens is that we tend to label ourselves, taking other aspects out of our focus.

So, we can all go through moments of shyness. For example, when we get nervous about the person we like or when we must speak in public. Therefore, it is important that we stop seeing ourselves as something negative; and that we learn to differentiate when it comes to an issue that goes against our well-being.

Many confuse you with a resemblance, it is about social phobia; It can occur in shy people, but not all shy people develop social phobia. As Cano Vindel, Pellejero, Ferrer, Iruarriza, and Zuazo suggest in their article “Cognitive, emotional, genetic and differential aspects of shyness”, the difference is important.

Now, social phobia is a mental disorder that is defined by the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Health. It consists of an anxiety disorder in which there is a persistent fear of one or more social situations. Shyness differs from you, above all, because it is usually continuous and disabling.

Shy, I’ll take off my breastplate to make you smaller

I know that you are part of me. Therefore, I cannot escape completely. However, I can remove the masks that I wear to make yourself smaller. This would benefit us: unpleasant sensations would decrease. To get to that point, I am going to start exploring myself , so I will get to know myself more and be able to make decisions that generate less dissonance, discomfort. Then I’ll be more authentic. Also, I will help you as follows:

• I will avoid trials. Since these lead you to pessimism and reinforce that you continue to avoid facing situations.
• Go beyond yourself. It is about stopping being encismatic and paying attention to others, even if it seems that you do, you are focusing on what you imagine others thinking, not what they are really communicating to you.

• Prepare yourself. To feel more confident, you can prepare what you are going to say, how you will do it and what resources you have for it.
• Real goals. If you set unattainable goals, you will cause frustration.
• Take care of non-verbal language. This will convey the right message.

Remember, dear shyness, that even if you want to go unnoticed, others also have the ability to interpret your language. If you are absorbed, away, and in silence you will make yourself very visible, even if you think not.

Thus, it will be easier if you face the situation with the resources you have. It is not about you becoming who you are not. Simply that you give a little of yourself, and that you identify what things favor you when interacting and use them to your advantage.

Finally, I say goodbye grateful because you have taught me a lot. Without you, I would not know who I am, I would not have become such a good observer and I would not have gotten out of some situations successfully; Believe it or not, you were my best resource at a certain time.

Let’s make life simpler. Let’s continue hand in hand, but let’s be more assertive when it comes to acting, load fewer crosses and work with more sense. Stay with me, but control is up to me.