Putting Barriers To Communication

We need to communicate to express wishes, concerns, concerns, regrets, thanks or simply for the fact of relating. Being skillful in our communication when transmitting a message to others or interpreting those who send us is a huge advantage to face difficulties or directly to avoid them.

Other times, despite the fact that we are good at communicating, circumstances cause us to make the decision to put up a communication barrier.  Other times it is the shame that overtakes us and makes us withdraw, looking for a hidden place until the blushes are lowered and we regain our naturalness.

Put trenches in communication

Nobody says that it is easy to talk with others, especially if they are people we love or with whom we share our day to day. But words are necessary to be able to understand each other and express what we feel or think.

Communication is much more complex than sending and receiving a message, it is an element that helps us to contact and connect. The barriers that we put in front of others serve as a shield for us not to accept what happens to us and so that those who are behind that trench do not find out what we are thinking or feeling. This is when the “shorts” start.

One of the problems in communication appears when the message does not arrive as clear as we would like, like a radio that does not tune well or when the television signal is cut off. The sentences come to us choppy and even stop making sense.

It happens to us by not saying everything and keeping secrets, phrases or feelings, believing that the other knows them. We take our emotions and thoughts for granted or lock it up under a thousand bolts so they don’t come out.

Communication is not a coded message

Ships use Morse to communicate with each other, airplanes have their specific words just like in other areas. Regarding communication between two “ordinary” people, beyond the language used, there are also phrases that need to be deciphered.

For example, ask how have you been in school? Do you want a coat? Or can I take you to the subway station? They are covert messages of I love you, I look for the best for you, I would like to take care of you, etc. But the other can’t always understand it that way! Maybe he just thinks we’re being nice or considerate and nothing more.

Not saying what we think or feel is also a barrier to communication. Be silent to avoid a fight or make the situation worse, be ashamed to say “I love you” and therefore lose the opportunity to be with that special person, avoid “asking for forgiveness” so as not to appear weak. There are many moments in which we ourselves put up a fence that others will not be able to overcome.

What are the main materials that make up this trench? Fear, shame, pride, shyness, resentment, mistrust, etc. Everyone makes the wall that isolates us higher and higher and does not allow us to express what happens to us, what we have hidden in the bottom of our heart or a lump in our throat.

Lack of communication in the couple

Speaking of problems expressing feelings, we inevitably have to dedicate a few lines to the lack of conversation with our partner. For different reasons it is very difficult for us to tell that person with whom we share more than the bedroom what is happening.

Staying quiet, staring at the plate or looking for excuses not to speak can be one of the most visible indicators that a couple is going through a bad time. Communication in the couple is vital since the two people are in constant change. Thus, if communication breaks down one day and is not restored, without spending much time they can wake up with a complete stranger.

Little ability to communicate emotions

One of the main causes of lack of communication as a couple is the poor ability that some of its members may have to communicate emotions. His lack of ability is compounded by the discouragement produced by the fact of having ever tried, not having succeeded due to lack of ability, and having generated the thought that this effort is useless.

Leave messages unexpressed

As we have said before, leaving messages in the inkwell and without expressing this wall is gradually being built. This heavy burden means that when we want to share something new we have the feeling that we have to start the story from the beginning. A history already prolonged in time and of which our partner does not know anything.

Message overload

Of course we must have our space of mental privacy, a place where we can deposit messages with the intention of finding the right moment or enough value to communicate them. However, it is not good to accumulate messages in this corner for a long time. As with the most remote parts of our house, we also have to clean this mental area from time to time, especially when it comes to our partner.

If we don’t, we will be cementing this barrier and making it higher and higher in the same way that the drops that fall from the ceiling of the cave erode the rock. In addition, not only is it a barrier for others not to communicate, but, as we have said before, it is also a barrier for us.