Regret In A Relationship: Why I Fell In Love With You!

Regret in a relationship is a fairly common experience. There are many who harbor in their affective history events that they prefer to forget and people of whom they keep unpleasant memories. How could I fall in love with him or her? We tell ourselves. How could I not realize before who he really was? Why did I do so many things for someone who didn’t deserve anything?

These and other issues are the ones that often navigate our minds, feeding discomfort, frustration and the wick of bad memories. Thus, and as they say, “good relationships remain enjoyment and bad, learning. ” However, the latter, in reality, is not always true.

Those who are left with the wound abound, with the chronic pain of everything they have experienced. It is difficult to learn about something when what is felt is traumatic suffering or even more so when we have a negative view of ourselves for having been in a non-enriching bond for so long …

What can we do in these situations?

Keys to handling regret in a relationship

Regret in a relationship is a reality that science has been studying for years. Studies such as those carried out at the University of Illinois, for example, show us that this phenomenon is more common than we think. Most of us often reflect on things that we should and did not do, also on the links established and that we should have avoided from the beginning.

This type of musing is called in this work counterfactual thoughts. Likewise, it is interesting to know that both men and women alike suffer the feeling of regret for having started certain relationships. Furthermore, if the psychological field is interested in this series of experiences, it is due to a very concrete and important fact.

Regret and counterfactual thinking have a major impact on emotional well-being, decision-making, behavior regulation, and mental health. Therefore, it is useless to tell someone that “don’t worry, you always learn from bad relationships.” When in reality, no one can take the step to establish certain learnings when what they experience is high suffering.

How to handle this type of experience? We analyze it.

Clarify in detail what you regret

Regret in a relationship does not come from just feeling frustration for having invested time and emotions in someone who simply did not deserve it. It is something deeper as well as complex. One can feel bad for having given up dreams for that ex-partner. Also for not having realized before that they were deceiving him.

The person may even regret not having fought hard enough for that relationship, neglecting the other, or making mistakes. Repentance has many forms and languages. Therefore, it is essential to clarify what really hurts us and what specific dimensions are those that cause us suffering.

Learn to process all emotions

Do you really know what the emotion of repentance is “made of”? There are those who point out that it is a useless psychological reality because it blocks us, because nothing arises from it. However, assuming this is a mistake. To begin with, this emotional construct hides the heaviness of sadness, which has to encourage us to reflect on what has happened and what has happened.

It also integrates a brushstroke of rage or anger, emotions that urge us to react, to face what hurts or bothers. Likewise, regret in a relationship in turn contains the mark of disappointment. Another dimension to manage to understand that living is also disappointment and then focus on ourselves and understand that we deserve better.

Free yourself from guilt: you didn’t know what was going to happen

The relationship lived and left behind has not brought you happiness, it is true. You feel regret and even anger that you have high hopes for something that has come to nothing. Now the last thing to feed in these situations is guilt or shame. You did not know what was going to happen, you do not have a magic ball that reveals everything that is going to happen in the near future.

Falling in love and committing to a relationship is something we do from the heart. Doing the unspeakable for someone is the norm in every relationship, because loving is fighting, it is working for what you want. We cannot regret that, because each of those dimensions makes us valuable and noble. What would happen next is something that we could not foresee.

Regret in a relationship is one more phase of grief

Regret in a relationship is another part of grief when breaking up. When we end the emotional bond with someone, it is common for the sting of regret to appear. However, the last thing we should do is “freeze” the duel at that stage, stay with the pain that does not progress, with the discomfort that does not resolve.

Accepting what happened, freeing ourselves from guilt and being able to trust ourselves and the future, is essential. If later we can obtain an apprenticeship from everything we have experienced; better. However, there are experiences that only require that, live them, accept them and overcome them.