Rejection, Acceptance And Emotional Treatment
Life can teach us many things, but sometimes it also causes us pain. Rejection is determined as one of the greatest emotional damages that people can experience, being, for example, the one that derives the most consequences if we suffer it in childhood.
An example of this can be those children who, for whatever reason, have to live with the vision of a father or mother who abandons them, who rejects them at a certain point in their childhood. They can grow up to be successful people, be intellectually brilliant, yet they have not been able to reach emotional maturity.
Nor can we forget the emotional suffering that one must face in those moments in which we are rejected by those people who attract us.
It is clear that in our life, not everything is going to be triumphs and achievements, but there are people who find it more difficult than others to face rejection. Personalities for whom time seems to stop at that moment in which they received a “No”, or what is worse, a contempt that they could not forget.
Establish a wall of protection
We have to be clear about it. One thing is what others may think of us, and quite another, is what we really are. We can be rejected in some areas of our life: at work, our partner … but a rejection should not be a demonstration of our limitations.
We should not rationalize what happened as an argument to see ourselves, as someone who deserves to be alone, as a person with few strategies, unattractive or any other negative dimension. Absolutely.
It is not the same to say “I have failed” than “I am a failure.” We must avoid personal attributions. We must protect ourselves. Life will undoubtedly bring us many more possibilities, many other options of achievement, of conquest, of opportunities to be happier. So we have to build a wall of protection to provide us with security.
Rejection as an instant of crisis to overcome
We have every right to experience our moments of rejection as moments of personal crisis. Being rejected or abandoned by our partner will require going through a period of emotional grief. Being fired from a job, being separated by a friend or relative, undoubtedly constitutes an instant of pain that as such, we have to experience it for what it is: a loss, an instant of suffering.
But this suffering from rejection must be momentary and temporary. An instant of time in which to revalue what happened, in which to be with ourselves thinking about what happened to learn from it.
Learning must be obtained from all experience. It is true that sometimes there is no why. Someone rejects us and there is no more turning of the page. But what must be avoided above all is to avoid building personal attributions : “He has rejected me because I am not attractive enough, because I am not nice, bright, interesting … etc”. It is a very painful mistake.
What is necessary would undoubtedly be to draw conclusions from what I have experienced : “I have to look at other types of less proud, more humble and simple people”, “I have to look for a job in which they can recognize all my abilities and merits”.
That is to say, it is good that for a certain time, we experience the pain of said rejection, a moment of introspection from which to leave strengthened and with enough spirits to “walk” through life with optimism.
Avoid internalizing or personalizing
Mindfulness explains to us that we should not run away from what we feel, that we have to shape these emotions and know how to describe them. Talk about them. This is necessary, and then simply let them go. We have been rejected, we know that. But don’t let that failure turn into an inner wound that prevents you from breathing, that prevents you from moving forward.
That person who at one point in your life told you “no” is simply “past”. You have every right – and duty – to move forward with new strength, new projects and new hopes. We must not become victims of those who hurt us willingly or unwillingly.
We must be heroes for ourselves, people capable of learning from our own suffering, people who have known how to transform pain into a guide, into learning, in view of a horizon in which to recover the illusion.
Don’t let the emotional pain caused by rejection leave you suspended in an instant in the past. Life advances and we must do so with it. Happiness can envelop us again at any moment.
Rejection and growth
Rejection can be interpreted as a failure, as a disappointment, as something regrettable. But it can also be interpreted as a new opportunity. It all depends on how we want to see it. Everything in life has an end. Someone can kick us out of their life. A boss can fire us. Endless negative events can occur. But if we have a good disposition, that negativity will turn into opportunity.
As the Buddhist Master Lama Rinchen Gyaltsen affirms : ” whatever happens, you have to win. ” What do you mean by it? That no matter what happens we have to take learning and emerge stronger. This is not a face-to-face battle. But to learn from everything that we consider rejection or failure. When someone studies mechanics, they want a car to be brought to their workshop to fix it so that they can fix it and put their knowledge to the test. Buddhist teachers look forward to setbacks to help them evolve. Since if something causes them discomfort, it is that there is still something to work on. Still, the malaise is almost inevitable. The key is in our relationship with what happens.
