Relapse In Mourning: When We Can’t Get Out Of The Tunnel

Relapse to grief happens more often than we might think. Far from understanding it as a setback, it must be seen as an event that is sometimes expected, as something normal within the process. Taking two steps back can sometimes be the best strategy to build momentum. At the end of the day, nobody leaves the tunnel in two days, it is a long journey where stoppages and setbacks are common.

Something that every therapist with experience in the intervention of depression, anxiety disorders, addictions or other mental illnesses knows is that a good relapse prevention program must be included in his clinical strategy with his patients. Now, as the professional himself knows, it is also necessary for the person to be very aware that this can happen.

Those who live in mourning expect – very often – that this sometimes stark and impossible to bear trance will pass as soon as possible, they wish above all for a moment when they can finally breathe without it hurting, and sleep for several hours at a time. without waking up in tears. We conceive the recovery process as a straight segment in which with each step  we reduce the distance to the end that marks the end.

Therefore, it is important that we understand that this does not always work like this. It is usual that at a given moment and almost without knowing why, we take two steps back or even worse, we return to the starting point. To prevent this from happening and place us in a state where the relapse is much worse than the fall itself, it is necessary to be prepared with a good “arsenal” of measures to protect us and resources to encourage us.

Relapse in grief, why does it happen?

According to a study published in the journal “Biological Psychiatry”, the way we process information will determine or not a possible relapse into grief. For example, something that could be seen through MRIs is that there are different “types” of brains, and that some are more adept than others when it comes to reacting to traumatic, complex or challenging events.

There will be people who will progress better in grief because their mental focus is more resistant, because their thought pattern is more resilient, as well as flexible. Other people, on the other hand, show slower progress and continuous setbacks because they have a tendency to anchor themselves in excessive mental rumination and because they process stimuli in a more negative way. All of this causes greater brain exhaustion and a waste of energy that stagnates the patient at a point of difficult progress.

Now, the fact that there are different ways of processing information and very disparate mental approaches does not mean that certain people are forced to relapse into grief every day. If there is something we know about the brain, it is that its plasticity is amazing and that we can train it, mold it to remove those edges that make us more vulnerable. We can all do it, let’s see how.

Strategies to avoid relapse in grief

As we have pointed out, good psychologists and health professionals know to treat any disease, disorder or problematic event, two action plans are needed: the intervention strategy itself and a route plan to avoid relapses, to maintain that state where the patient finds strength and encouragement to keep going.

Next, we suggest you reflect on some of those route points that we can apply in our day to day.

Accept the possibility that a relapse in grief may appear

Sometimes, due to life circumstances, we are forced to learn to “walk” again. A loss, whether physical or emotional, implies experiencing a fall, a duel where everything falls apart and we are forced to rebuild ourselves again, to learn to walk once more.

In this process, it is common to take one step forward and two steps back. Let’s not see it as a problem, let’s not see that setback as the inability to move forward. Let’s understand that sometimes you have to take a step back to gain more momentum.

Relapses can take many forms

We need to be attentive to the ways in which relapses often materialize. Being forewarned will allow us to react a little faster.

• It is common for relapses to materialize through discouragement and bad mood.
• Tiredness and loss of energy may appear, however we may also experience the need to always be busy. We need to do many things to “not think”.
• We must also be careful with the abuse of certain substances. Some may, for example, have the need to start drinking alcohol or even resort to the abuse of certain drugs.

Mindfulness to prevent relapse

Mindfulness practice is very helpful for all those who have overcome a depression, who have just been through a grief or even for those who are leaving an addiction behind. What is achieved with this practice is that the person acquires greater mental control and opens a more powerful channel to better deal with emotional anguish.

• Likewise, mindfulness is especially suitable for regulating negative or ruminant thought patterns, conferring internal calm and better regulation of emotions such as anger, frustration or sadness.
• On the other hand, mindfulness offers the patient adequate resources to promote a good internal dialogue, reflective awareness and that connection with oneself where to detect needs, fears or anxieties to know how to react instantly.

Finally, it should be noted that the practice of Mindfulness requires perseverance, it implies knowing how to introduce it into our daily routine so that it is really beneficial and helps us avoid a relapse.