The Need To Break Away From Loneliness Makes You Vulnerable

Loneliness has two faces. It can be a deadly enemy that hits you like a stone. It can also be your best friend: the one that makes you focus on what you really want and need at all times.

Loneliness makes you reflect in a much deeper way about what you want, what you are, and who you really are. We all need those moments of solitude. We need our space to be with ourselves. To think.

But there are people whose comfort zone does not allow them to have those moments. Because they feel vulnerable and, therefore, they need to have other people by their side at all times. Simply by having someone to share with. Simply, for fear of loneliness.

Have you stopped going to the movies “ because you don’t have anyone to comment on the film with ”? Actually, it is the excuse you make for not going alone.

The need for company can confuse friendship with love

Not having anyone to share experiences, feelings, sensations, doubts, little moments, etc. Not having someone take your hand and tell you that everything is going to be fine. May he comfort you in moments of weakness and helplessness. That supports you when you make a decision. Or listen to you when you are deciding on your next steps and look you in the eyes with the depth that love has.

When you’ve had that and it’s gone, you miss it. When you haven’t had it, too. Because you miss the sensations that occur in your body and the emotions that you feel just thinking that you could have it. 

Listen to your heart vibrate, feel butterflies in your stomach because you are going to meet that person. You need to re-experience those emotions that remind you that you are not alone. And that need can make you replace your true feelings and magazines and ornaments to feel the emotion of love.

You can even find yourself, for example, buying a very expensive dress for your next date. To be extraordinarily attractive. Because that’s what you would do with your real and original feelings. Because that’s what you miss and want to feel it again to feel alive. To think that you are still there. That everything can happen again. That everything is happening.

But sooner or later your mind will bring you lucidity. Because without wanting to, you will be putting obstacles in your way: ” I have to …”, ” I don’t …”, ” I just …”. Excuses that you make to silence your conscience and leave the responsibility of the other person for the relationship not working.

Therefore, having emotional surrogates is not an option. The feelings you have for that person are made up and made up to look real. And, at the first change, the paper tower that you have built will fall and everything will crumble.

Having complete and absolute assurance that a relationship is going to work is not possible. But having the complete and absolute assurance that you are putting everything on your part to make it work, it is. And you have to be aware of whether you are really being responsible for your life, whether you are acting consistently when you enter a relationship solely out of necessity.

The need generates dependency

Needing someone else’s company creates dependency. An emotional dependency that is undermining and destroying you as a person. There may come a time in your life when you are willing to pay the price to share your life with someone and not feel that loneliness. That price is part of the need you have for it.

You have to be very aware then that your responses to behaviors in some facets of the other person’s life cannot follow the same rules.

Emotional dependence can be ruled out if both parties are fully aware of their relationship. We could say that it would be a mature relationship from the beginning. A relationship where 1 + 1 = 2, really. Two conscientious, sincere people, looking in the same direction and with the same objective.  Actually, could we not say that this is love? Mature love, the one that is made with time.

In such a relationship, the phases of infatuation do not occur. Although a facet of illusion does appear due to the novelty that it supposes in your life. It is a phase in which, apparently, you behave as you would in a real relationship, but being aware of what the other person is really like.

A relationship like this, without the butterflies in the stomach, without the doubts about what the future will bring, may not produce the same emotions as that of two people in love. In a relationship of this type, love has nothing to do with it. It requires maturity on both sides.  Consciousness of need for one another. It’s like a kind of affinity contract.

If you want such a relationship, go ahead. But don’t try to disguise her as something else. Enjoy it as it is.